Alright, my friend.
Welcome to the very first episode.
I'm not sure if I'm calling it the Zach Pit show or not, or if we come up with something more clever, still working on it.
We're still working on it.
This is a work in progress, but, hey, we all are.
But I am beyond excited to have my very first guest for this show, John Michael Lander, uh, thank you so much.
I'm so grateful that you're here for this this inaugural episode.
Wow.
Whatever we're gonna call it.
I am just so honored.
This is pretty cool.
Yes.
Chip it away at it.
So, yeah, we we we connected, uh, it's been a minute, but Today is actually the first time we met in person, person.
Yeah.
I started hosting these these master classes, how to be more comfortable and confident on camera.
And you attended that because it was something that you needed some help with for a project that is really near and dear to your hearts.
Let's touch on that, but, of course, I wanna talk a little bit more about uh, your backstory, how you got involved, uh, into that organization that ultimately led you to that master class.
So great.
Yeah.
I I'm working on it.
I I just have been certified as a coach and trainer with the Self Talk Institute, which is a way to help people, especially survivors, change the way they're thinking so that they could change their lives.
And as survivors, uh, people make up their own lives about what happened to try to understand what was going on in the time.
And so we create these false lies, these stories for ourselves so that we can get through the day.
And and by finding this out and really looking at it, you can start tearing those things back and start realizing that you have been lying to yourself, basically, and your true self is still waiting to come through.
So the self talk institute what led you to that point? And you mentioned survivors, and and I know that this is something that you've really been on a mission over the last couple of years since we've known each other and we've had those discussions.
So tell us how you got involved in that.
I'm a former I'm a big diving contender.
And at fourteen years old, it's also in trainee or entrusted in my trainee, groomed and silenced me and trafficked me through 6 use.
So I spent my whole high school years trying to get to the Olympics, but at the same time being trafficked by these professional met.
And so I kept that as a secret because I didn't know what to do with it.
Didn't know how to explain it and kept it really hidden for a long time.
And it wasn't until I was just teaching down the street from here, at Stivers that a student came up and spoke to me about some situation that he was in.
And as I was speaking to the sixteen year old, I realized, oh my god.
That's me.
And that's when everything like Pandora's box opened up, and I started to figure out, oh my god.
I got I needed help because I had silenced this for so long.
That it became very detrimental.
And I tried to do therapy, but some of the people that were part of the of the trafficking were therapists.
And medical people.
And so I was like, oh my god.
I can't deal with this.
I did do therapy occasionally, but it never worked out for me until I didn't meet one woman.
And she really thought outside the box, so to speak, and she started challenging me.
And that was the first time I ever saw any movement forward.
Which she retired, of course.
And then I was standing there all got here I am again, all by myself, trying to figure this out.
And then a friend of mine gave me a book from Doctor Chad Helmsetter.
I read the book, and then I said, I gotta find these people.
And that was the first time I started seeing my journey change for the good.
So when you talk about your time when you were an Olympic diver.
Uh, I never made the Olympics, Zach.
It was my dream.
Um, your dream made it.
Okay.
So you're that's your training, but it's right.
Yes.
These were coaches.
Coaches, doctors, lawyers, um, judges.
One of them was a very prominent doctor at Ohio State.
And he became my main doctor.
Anytime I had any problems, I would have to drive all the way up to Columbus to have my ears checked.
Something like that.
From what I understand, I was the youngest person involved in this group at the time because I was still in high school.
They were usually looking at college guys.
And usually this group of professionals, um, and a lot of this came out a few years ago.
It's still coming out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's still starting to come And what what is the name of the the Ohio State doctor? Doctor Strauss.
Doctor Strauss.
I couldn't remember it.
And I remember, but I do remember when I was a reporter I think what I was in Lima, that's where I was working at the time.
It was my first reporter job.
I remember when some of that started coming undone, And I remember being this young reporter, I'm like, I don't know how to cover this, you know, like, but imagine living, you know, and being involved in that.
Now, did you have a lot of people that you were on on the team with or other other people Yes.
Yes.
And, um, I I was brought up to Ohio State practice with the team here, um, up there, I guess you'd say.
And the other the other divers would talk about you know, and they would joke about what happened.
And, um, they would say, have you met the doctor yet? And I said, no, they'll, oh, you'll get to meet him, and it was just about this this chucking thing about it, and yet the the coaches knew.
This is what we get so confused about because some of these athletes went to the coaches.
And, you know, there's a there's a politician in office right now that was an assistant wrestling coach who knew but we'll deny it to the state that he had no idea what's going on.
And it was one of those things that it was everyone talked about it behind, you know, in practice or whatever.
But they kept it they kept it.
How would you say kind of like a as a joke? Because we didn't know what to do with it instead of facing and not wanting to be embarrassed and come out.
It was more of a a joke sort of deal Oh, yeah.
Where that's how you coped it with it.
Yeah.
Because the guys at Ohio stayed at the time.
Had to go through to get approved for the week to compete.
This doctor could keep him from competing.
He was a over 14 bar city teams at Ohio State.
So everyone went in there.
The football players, the basketball players, the, the wrestlers, uh, the gymnasts all had to go through this doctor to get approved to compete for that week.
And if they weren't able to compete, that could affect their scholarship.
So everything was done by a power situation, which is what I call the, uh, predatory grooming trifecta.
Yeah.
But it's where a person, um, will groom the institution first like Strauss did, and then get their support and their security around them.
And they they he was a fine doctor.
There's nothing nothing questioning about that, but then they would also then groom the, like, the guardians or the parents.
And he, I, he, just like Doctor Nassar did with the US gymnastics would abuse the people in his office with the parents, right, in the room with it.
But would use the medical terms and say, hey.
I'm doing this because I need to manipulate this and I have to touch here so everyone thought it was okay.
And so that was a part of the whole gamut.
And then finally, they will groom the child.
So it's like there's three layers before they ever get the child.
And if they can't get to the child after these 2 protecting them, the institution and the parents, they won't go with that child.
They'll go somewhere else.
That's what keeps them going for so many years.
So it's all about building trust, yeah, and working its way down.
Exactly.
And you found that This is still happening.
Oh, it's happening everywhere.
We do I look at Nickelone and just recently.
If you all the stories that are coming out of You know? You said Nickelodeon.
Oh, I didn't really know.
I didn't agree on a grande.
There's there's a whole documentary that's just being aired in the last 2 nights.
What's it called? Oh, you asked me.
On the set, I think.
On the set.
Okay.
Something like that.
I'll have to look it up.
I it's it's disturbing.
It really is.
And it's done completely out in front of everyone.
That's what was so crazy about it.
And then you start questioning, is this the child's desire to be a famous actress, or is this the parents? Because the parents are covering up as much as the everybody else's.
It's really weird.
There's a whole thing where you know, they do all all the stuff with feet.
You know, they do all these scenes where they have to use their feet and stuff, and nobody questioned that.
This is all that documentary? Yeah.
You know? And and and there's one where it really disturbed me is seeing the area area, Ariana Grande, She's lying on the floor, just, you know, resting in between takes, and this guy who is the main man comes over with a camera and she sits up automatically as quickly as she can.
She drapes her hair and covers up her chest, and she covers her whole body up.
And it's just like, well, wait a minute.
And as he's talking to her, he starts zooming in on her chest.
And this is okay? That's what I don't understand.
That's why, uh, I'm just pretty rivted right now about that.
Yeah.
I can't believe that.
Well, I mean, I'm a I was gonna say Nick Lodi Kid, but I mean, I that's what I grew up on.
Right? It it really is mind boggling.
So but I wanna go back to what you were talking about.
You know, you discovered you were talking when you're at Stivers.
Correct.
Okay.
So you're you you you got to know someone, um, and you found out it's very clear that this is happening every day.
Uh, but that was that moment where you said I can do something about this.
Well, I tried to do something about it.
I I I reported it because, you know, teachers have to report.
And I was informed at that time that there was nothing that could be done, because, um, his mother and his grandmother knew about this, and they were supportive of it and that he had a history of this.
That's what they told me.
And I was kinda like, okay.
I I can't deal with this.
This is too much.
This kid is actually asking me to help him, and I do.
And you guys are saying there's just no hope or help for him.
And I think that was a really hard thing for me.
And then there was another incident not too long after that.
Where a young girl came and told me a story about what happened with one of the other teachers.
And I was told it was just her word against his.
And that's when I, I, I resigned because I didn't see any movement forward.
And then 5 years later, there was a a lawsuit against the guy.
Is that what does this all lead to? And and this is where we're gonna try to go back to, uh, the self talk, uh, um, self talk.
Alright.
Okay.
But there's this amount of I can imagine shame and guilt that you lived with for for a long time, not knowing what to do it, do with your experience, and a lot of these young people are in that same boat.
Yes.
I agree with you.
And I I think what we're having to deal with now too is even to add on top of that, the online issues, the online sexortions, and and that kind of stuff.
And that's why I created the, uh, predatory internet grooming or pig to help parents and children understand this epidemic that's happening.
And and it's still constantly going on, and and we see it every day.
You know, and and things are starting to pop up even more.
Nickelodeon thing just came out the other day.
And I was like, I didn't even know anything about this.
I mean, I heard whispers because I was an actor out in LA for a while, but we just, like, blew it off.
Of course.
But the thing I think also is really important to understand is that men who have been abused as children or teens are taught not to talk about it.
You know, you, um, the whole theory of, you know, you can't rape away and all that stuff.
And then there is the whole thing about, uh, if you're a man enough, you would fight back.
This would never happen.
You must have wanted it.
All these things are going through your head.
You can't understand a grasp, but because, you know, like, the the the male's mind is not really mature until twenties to late 30, you know, to for thirties.
And so we're still trying to figure out what everything means and what does it say, but we're so impacted by our society, what society is telling us, you know, toxic masculinity is right there in our face every day.
We have to be strong.
We can't cry.
We can't do this.
We can tell someone that someone touched us because then it reflects back on us.
So I think that's where my struggle was because I was in that, you know, before internet and all that stuff was happening is when I went through this.
And it was really intense because I didn't know who to talk to.
You know, who do you speak to? Who do you say anything to? Do you think it is more difficult today for someone to to get help in the aura? Because We live in the social media age where, especially on people, they are living in this constant state of judgment.
Oh.
Constant.
People live on Instagram.
If you're if you're not this on Instagram, you're not anything.
Do you feel like it is difficult for for young people, especially today to come forward with any of these.
I think there's something like this happen.
Yeah.
I think a lot of it has to do with Shane.
You know, we're we're taught.
Shame.
And that's one of the things that the self talk talks about a lot is that when we are born, we are actually groomed by the people around us.
You know, by our parents, by our teachers, by our our brothers and sisters, relatives, uh, religious figures, our society, everyone is telling us what to do and how to do it, what to be And so we kind of lose out on who we are and who our internal purpose or meaning on this world is about And so we start to want to fit in because that's part of the society.
Human is to want to be along, be a part of a tribe.
And I think what we're seeing today with the Internet and everything is, is that exactly thing? We want to be a part of something.
We want to fit it and everything's done online.
You know? And what's unfortunate is that these young kids are sharing pictures with each other, you know, that could be just like a funny joke.
Here's here's my picture.
You know, my boyfriend has to speak with this or here it is.
And then that person passes it onto somebody else.
And what they don't realize is that all of a sudden, they are now could be passing child sex born.
It's what they're calling in.
And so our CSAM, which is child sex abuse material, and a child doesn't know that.
And what's even problem on top of that is then the parents become involved because they own the device that was passed on, and they could be charged for possession.
That one talks about this.
Wow.
So and, you know, we think we're just sharing pictures and stuff, or Snapchat is a really big one because it's supposed to disappear after so many minutes or whatever, short period.
But if someone has already copied that picture, pass it on to somebody else, that picture is there forever.
And then again, we have to bring in the AI, which is really crazy because a lot of these predators out there are, you know, getting pictures off of a a parent's website, a parent's Facebook page, taking the child's picture, and then making AI porn out of it.
And then contacting that child and saying, look, I got this picture of you doing this and starting to blackmail them.
And what we seeing really, really prevalent right now is that males 17 about 12 to 17 is the area right now where they're being black mailed within 3 hours.
And then they have no way out and so they commit suicide.
This is all wow.
I for sure, just let me speechless just because And, yeah, this is getting worse.
Yeah.
Because they're ahead of us.
You know, these guys in the black market are I shouldn't say guys because could be anybody that we don't know is that they're they they are passing around on the black market ways to get money by, you know, extorting these children.
And we're like three steps behind constantly.
And I was talking to you the New Jersey Coalition to an against human trafficking this morning about this host, uh, topic and what was really interesting that popped to my head This is nothing different than, like, uh, an entrepreneur or direct marketing.
Yeah.
These these predators are reaching out to hundreds of people And then they get maybe 20.
It's a numbers game at that time.
It's a total numbers game.
And, you know, I one of the things I warn people about is the all they talk now is about all the vulnerabilities of these kids, but we're all vulnerable.
And I think the use in the word vulnerability can cause a distance.
You know? Like, if you're talking to a parent, if I'm talking to you, hey, Zach.
Your child might be vulnerable, and you're like, uh, oh, my child's not vulnerable.
You're not gonna wanna listen any further because that doesn't that's not your child.
You know? And we have seen football players High school football players who are popular who have ended up committing suicide because of this act because they thought they were talking to a girl.
Then they find out, you know, the the little moments of grooming and flirting and all that stuff, they send pictures.
And then as soon as they send that picture, they turn around and start blackmailing these guys, and they had nowhere else to go.
Where are they gonna find a $1000 in 20 You know? So they start to encourage them to, well, you might as well just kill yourself.
And these guys feel like there's nothing they can do.
Boom.
Gone.
I I I need help.
No.
No clue that it was that bad.
It's it's crazy.
Oh my.
So with what you've been working on.
And, you know, you've you've made this really your life's mission right now, right, to curb some of that.
And Yeah.
Like you said, you know, there are three steps ahead of you at that point.
You're you're just trying to catch up what measures are being put in place now to try and do something.
Well, Nikosi and then a national coalition against human trafficking are are really pushing to banned horn hubs in certain states.
Texas just agreed to do that, which is kinda crazy.
I mean, of all places, I didn't think Texas would do that.
But, yeah, and so they're really pushing for that There's other things like, uh, with the New Jersey Coalition that I'm working with right now, we're gonna be doing a, uh, presentation next Tuesday.
About how to help parents start that communication and to understand that you just don't have to talk once.
This is something that you have to build a relationship with your child.
So that they can feel safe to come to you or not ashamed to come to you to tell you, hey.
I did this.
Okay.
What do we do, Neil? Or what can we do now? And it's all about that communication and and trying to talk about it so that shame becomes less.
Because I think our society is so shameful and put shame on everybody.
Um, our TV shows, everything is about shame, you know, Um, I I I was just watching Spark against the other day.
And I was like, oh my god.
Do you see how much shame is in here? You know? And they're killing each other all the time, but Yeah.
And so it's about making a positive change in your thinking process, and that's where self talk can come into.
Yeah.
I wanna dive into that because when you let, you know, any thought marinate for a long period of time, it becomes a virus.
And, you know, All we are at the end of the day are habits.
Right? It's all we are or a form of habits in a negative thought pattern over and over and over again.
That's what leads to those self destructive behaviors, suicide, as you mentioned.
So the self talk app aims to flip that around Right.
To start planting those new seeds of more more positive thought more positive self talk Exactly.
It's like, you know, the neuro pathways in our brains are developed by something that's constantly repeated to us.
So if you say like, you were growing up and someone said, hey, yeah, hey, Zach.
You can't play baseball.
You're so clumsy.
You know, anyway, we joke about it at that time, and maybe you had fell in it or something.
And so you start to hear that and how you interpret that is how you start to process it in your head.
So then you create a filing cabinet based and here's my oh, I'm on clumsy file.
So if there's anybody that says anything about that clumsiness, it goes into that file.
It creates that stronger pathway in your brain.
It it, uh, just makes that belief even stronger.
Exactly.
I know.
It makes it true.
Supports it.
And it makes it true to you.
Which in actuality, you may not be clumsy at all.
You may have had a bad day.
You're eric earache or something, you know, and you fell over, whatever, but it's not the truth.
But because someone made a joke about it, we take that in and said, oh, maybe that maybe they're right because we wanna belong, so we wanna be a part of the group.
So we believe them.
And if a parent tells you something like that, that's even bigger because the parent is that sole person in your life.
And so we we start to figure this out and we start to build these lives these stories up, and they start to take over.
So if you hear it enough times, it becomes strong.
And if you hear the positive only a few times, it's not as strong, so our our mind won't go there.
And we start to believe what is the strongest in our mind.
You know, it's also like, uh, if you had a a field and you walk across the field because you had a thought out just just crass it the the the path that you just left behind is not that bad.
But if you keep going back and forth over that same path, it starts to create a a dirt Right.
And that becomes strong, and that becomes what it is.
And so after as we grow, that that field is gonna look like all these, like, lines going through it because of all these pathways that we've created.
And so what the self talk app does is they they put it in they really teach you about using it in the background So if we were sitting here, we were, like, just talking.
We'd have it play in the background really softly.
And not to the point we even notice it, but it's there.
It's like learning a new language.
When we were in the crib, we learned our our native language by listening to everybody around us.
Mhmm.
So we absorb it like a sponge.
And so that's how that works.
And that's how it starts to change and and create how we speak.
So if we hear this, and we are subconsciously picking it up.
It's making new pathways in your brain so that you could start thinking, oh, and then what's really interesting is you start to have a battle because the old thoughts are not wanting to go away.
So it becomes like which one do I listen to, but it starts to become recognizable and you start to understand it.
And then you make the choice.
It's all about coming back at having your power and making your choice.
Yeah.
A lot of times in in the self help world, you'll hear that it's almost like a thermostat.
Oh, yeah.
You'll, you know, you have been conditioned or programmed through your subconscious through repeated patterns when you're younger, this is who I am.
This is who I am.
And you try to deviate from that, it's uncomfortable.
Right? But for any real change to happen, there has to be uncomfortability.
If that has to happen.
Right? Um, it is just part of the process.
I mean, you think about going to the gym.
Right? If you're gonna be working out, it doesn't feel great right after you've just been doing bid presses all day long, you're gonna be sore, but that's the same way of how your mind is malleable.
You can change it.
But like you said, I love that analogy walking in a field and you're creating those paths.
I think it was in the Is it the strangest secret ever you ever listened to that before? Earl Nightingale.
Okay.
I went to this phase where I used to, I used to listen to it every single morning I wake up for work around 2:30 in the morning, I'd listen to it as I was brushing my teeth and going to work.
But anyway, but he says something really quick about your mind is you know, imagine if you were on this, um, tractor and you're just going the same way back and forth, back and forth, right, same road.
At some point, you can take your hand off the wheel, and that tractor will drive itself because you've made the grooves.
You know, that's that's exactly how your mind works.
So you talk about if if you were picked on as a kid and you just heard that all the time, you're gonna take that with you into your adulthood.
Even if nobody's necessarily doing that, but you will have that self image of yourself because that is the connection that you made in your your mind.
It's the same thing about it's that interpretation that you created.
About that is what is actually happening and it's being carried on if that makes sense.
Mhmm.
Because, again, if we look back, I'm gonna say your dad said that to you, and it was a joke.
It was just meant to be a joke, and he's never thinking about it again, but you have grabbed onto it.
And and you're holding on to it, and then you start to apply every time you're anything like that, saying, oh, he must have been right then.
So I am this when in actuality, he weren't.
He just I don't know how to bad day.
Who knows? Whatever it was.
But that's the thing about it.
And the other thing that's really unique about the self talk, which is different than a lot of therapy, is that each person is different.
Now you and I could have experienced the same exact event, traumatic event, a car accident, or something.
We could have been in the car next to each other.
And had gone through this experience.
And then our interpretation of that is going to be different.
1, what viewpoint we were from.
Even though we were sitting next to each other, we saw it in different ways.
And that's why so many, you know, like, uh, police ask so many people who are witnesses.
What what did you see? What, you know, just try to get a story.
Because it's different for everyone.
And the healing process is different for everyone.
There is not one cookie cutter way to get through this.
But what works for you wouldn't work for me.
We're we're in the same car.
That makes sense.
So what's really cool about the self talk is that they actually, if you get working with a coach, they will find out what is your issue, what's your story, how do you saw it, and then build around that so that you can move forward.
And the other thing that's really great about it is they could take I'm I'm using you again, Zack.
You, right now, say you had this horrible experience when you were fourteen You've lived your life so far, and you've never dealt with it.
And it's you start to have moments that something's not right, whatever.
They won't worry about that.
That event back there right now.
Because, 1, you're not worried about it because you you don't even acknowledge it yet.
They'll take you from where you are right now, and it start to you and finding out how you form your sentences, how you form your thoughts.
And if there are any negative thoughts there, it will say, hey, look at this.
You know? And there there is a saying that, uh, 1480 people, uh, wait.
Let me start this kid.
1004 148,000 times, 148,000 times, we have been told no or that we can't do something before the age of eighteen.
And that's in a normal household.
That's a, you know, kind of positive.
We're told that many times.
And then 77% of our thoughts are negative.
For a healthy person.
So if you got through some kind of experience, something, you're carrying that with you.
So what we're trying to do and what the self talk does is work with you to help you discover yourself.
What was the problem? How am I seeing myself? How do I change this? And what works for you would be different than what works for me.
Awareness is everything.
And actually acknowledging it.
And then by the time that you're going through this, you will start realizing that back here, what you had buried had happened.
And then you could heal that as long.
But that's only whenever you're ready.
Some some people don't even talk about the past.
And as we go come full circle, obviously, what led you is was your experiences that you had with the doctors, coaches, and Right.
You were bearing it, and you can wholeheartedly say that it was you were carrying on your life to where things are great, but there was always this tug on you.
Mhmm.
And you couldn't put a figure on it.
Or did you know what it was? No.
I didn't.
I I I really didn't.
I mean, I think I think there's a part of me that knew.
I I think our brains are so magnificent that it will actually create line spots for you so you don't have to deal with it just so that you can get through the day.
Uh, I I think I did a lot of that.
I did a lot of just associating with myself to push it way over there.
I I found ways to deal with it to get through any type of experience.
But the thing that's really odd about, uh, triggers and stuff like that, they can happen anytime anywhere.
You could be, I don't know, on a bus.
Someone has a perfume or a a a cologne that your abuser wore.
One of mine isn't smell of chlorine because I was a diver.
And that just sometimes walking into a pool, I'll just go, oh, oh, and and there's cycles.
It goes in cycles, and I don't think people are really aware of that.
Their days that you're great and happy and everything's at the top, but then it starts to go down.
And it could be anything could set it off.
And what we're trying to do is just learn how to respond to things instead of reacting to them.
With using the self talk, is it something that you use daily to continue to condition your minds because as we were talking about earlier, your mind is valuable just like going to the gym, stake in your mind to the gym every single day.
Exactly.
It's exactly what you did every morning at 2:2:30.
2:2:3:40.
Listening to whatever it was spelling.
You were you were doing self talking away.
Mhmm.
You were conditioning your mind, and listening to what this this person was saying, and you start creating pathways in your brain.
And if you do it consistently and up, it can change the way you think.
And the thing that's really, really cool about it at all is there's discoveries now that the brain does not stop growing until we actually die.
Interesting.
You know? And that's the thing developing.
What's what's interesting, though, so many people think that the learning stops as soon as they they get that degree, right, to graduate high school, graduate college.
I'm done.
Go to work.
But and I'm sure you're the same.
I mean, obviously, you've made this part of your your life's work, your mission, but self education, for me, and I'm sure it is for you is is so important to continue to not only discover the world around you, discover who you are.
Right.
And just constant growth.
Because when you're constantly growing yourself, there's so much more you can give to others.
And, uh, and, like, you know, for what you're doing, learn about yourself.
You had to go through that heartache, that pain, um, and you had to go on that journey so that you can now help other people who are experiencing now.
What's really, really cool about self talk is the journey is never done.
You're growing constantly.
And if you become a coach and you're working with other people, you are actually growing with them as well because they're gonna reflect back to you things that you may need to see in yourself that you have not seen yet.
And it's just this incredible incredible experience because I've worked with especially I've been working a lot with survivors of sexual abuse because of the fact that we created such lies just to get through the day or if it's a constant abuse, like in my case, which went on for 4 years through high school, I had to figure out why they were happening.
Why me? Why was I selected? You know, all these things through my mind.
And so I start making up these lies just to get through it.
That's where I started struggling because every time I wasn't me, I didn't know who I was anymore.
I didn't know the difference between excitement and anxiety because every time the car pulled up into our house, I would go into this panic attack, and nobody would understand, and nobody knew what to say to me.
So that's that's one of those things that keeps happening, and it goes on into your adulthood.
Now a lot of times with men, we don't even realize that we are abused as children or teenagers because we were told not to, but it carry like you said, it carries with you.
You feel it.
There's something wrong here.
And, unfortunately, if we were able to go back and talk all the men who have committed suicide, we may have found out that most of them had been abused.
And I I did a whole thing on the Sports world, you know, the Super Bowl, uh, the Olympics that are coming up just around the corner are huge targets for trafficking people.
And, uh, I can remember within I was going through high school that I I got to go to the rose bowl all the time with one of these professional men who were taking taking me.
And nobody asked questions.
It was like, oh, is that your dad, or is that your uncle? Isn't that cool? An uncle and his son, no one sees it.
But if you bring a young girl in with a an older guy, everyone's like, woah, wait a minute.
What? This doesn't seem right.
Why would she be coming to the football? She could be a huge fan.
But just by, um, observation in what people see.
And so nobody nobody really looks at guys.
And that's why it's been going on for so long, and it's been going on for so many years.
And it will continue until we stand up and say, wait a minute.
You know, that's why, you know, Ohio state situation happened.
The US gymnastics happened for so long because No one wants to ask them.
Nobody wants to confront them.
Nobody wants to ask the tough questions.
Right.
And and if you are an athlete, there are 5 other people right behind you that could take your place.
You know what I mean? So you don't wanna lose that opportunity to get a scholarship to go to the Olympics, to represent your country at a competition.
That is the hugest thing.
And I I and I got to do that several times and and wind gold medals at those meats, and it's just amazing.
But then you start to normalize it.
As an athlete, you think, oh, this is what it's supposed to be.
This is what happens.
This is every elite athlete goes through this.
So we normalize it so that we can get through that day.
And when we normalize it, we we lessen it.
And so it's not a big deal.
What's going on today? I mean, if we watch it, Nickelodeon, again, what happened there? Were the parents more interested in their child being a star, or was the child interested? And if the child was why didn't they do something about it? I mean, there was a guy on there, uh, uh, a dick a dictation coach, I guess, who, uh, abused, um, what was this Drake Bell.
Okay.
Okay.
Yep.
One of my favorite I I love what was it.
Drake and Josh.
I think that's what Drake and Josh.
Yeah.
But he he abused this boy.
Well and now that I think about that, hasn't he been in the news and some probably has a lot of internal conflict because that's gonna be a prime example of what can happen.
See, and I didn't know that.
See, I only saw at the front end uh, the effect, if you will.
But he's more than likely been carrying that with him for a really long time.
And I had to share this.
He's loading.
Yeah.
This guy, this coach that they had on the show, but had the kids come over to his house.
And he had a pick, a painting of Casey, the clown.
And he showed it to everybody because he was so proud of it because on the back, Casey signed it to it.
He became a pen pow with this man while he was in in jail before he was he, you know, before the that gives you the heebie Geebies.
No one sent anything.
Parents saw it.
And nobody thought anything of it.
Nobody said anything.
Man, did you ever see Can't remember the exact name of it.
Something neverland.
It was that Michael Jackson 1 Yes.
Is the HBO 1? Yes.
And, uh, I just gave myself Goosebumps remembering that because that's one of those ones.
I I you know, there's some things you can't watch twice.
That's one of those I can't watch twice.
Everything that you've mentioned, uh, one of the the gentleman in there, uh, his wife talked about it.
It's like, there was just something wrong with them, and he couldn't put a finger on it and couldn't describe what it was, but he just there was something internal.
And it's a very similar thing.
And again, yeah, you know, parents were dropping their kids off at this neverland ranch or whatever.
And but it's okay.
It's okay.
It's Michael Jackson.
It's okay.
He wouldn't do that.
He loves you.
Mhmm.
I mean, if you go back and could read some of the testimonies and stuff like like Corey Haines talk about it and how his, you know, his parents thought that You know, it's just the way Michael is.
That's who he is.
He loves you.
He wants to take care of you.
He wants to protect you.
So if a kid thinks, oh, then I must be wrong.
You know, and so we just change our ideas because who else would tell us the truth? Mom's gonna tell us the truth.
I remember I finally did try to tell my mom.
One night.
And, um, I said, I I don't wanna go.
And she says, well, what do you mean? I said, I I I just I just but he came all the way out of here.
You have to go.
This is rude.
You're being very rude.
And I said, no.
No.
And I finally said, I'm gonna tell her.
So I told her, I said, he touches She goes, well, what do you mean by that? I said, down here.
Mhmm.
And she looked at me really funny, and I thought, oh, thank god, this is over.
She slapped me across the face.
And she said, it's not nice to make up lies about people.
This person is a prominent person in the community.
And he's helping you out to go to diabetes and compete and everything, and he's helping the family.
So you go and you have a nice time.
And right then, I knew I if my mom was gonna believe me, nobody would.
So I'd never that's when I thought I'd never tell anybody, but I would always do indicators.
And I think that a lot of people do that and, um, especially survivors that if I could get an adults talk to me, then I would tell.
You know, this is getting into this whole background of my stories that, um, a lawyer saw contact to my mother after I took 8th at the Junior Olympics.
And he met with her over months talking to her and telling her about how this group of men could help me go to the Olympics.
And, uh, she believed him.
And so she signed a contract with it, and it wasn't until after the contract was signed, did he meet with me? And so he would take me out and and and talk with me and tell me how this could be a great way to get to where I need to go.
There's no way I was gonna go there with just my parents because I didn't have the pool and it had the connections I needed to have them.
And so I thought, oh, okay.
Mom says it's okay.
Then I must be okay.
I signed a contract, but I wasn't ever allowed to talk about it.
And so when they got to be, uh, my junior and senior year of high school, I was about ready to apart because this was this was happening, uh, you know, constantly since I was a freshman.
I knew that I couldn't talk to my parents So I do things at school.
You know, I I'd wear the same clothes.
I was one of those kids that always had to be impeccably dressed.
If there was any dirt anywhere, I would change.
Because I didn't wanna look dirty.
And so I would wear the same outfit for the whole week.
No one asked me.
Was that your way of just trying to get attention.
Yeah.
He get attention.
It just said the most subtle way.
Exactly.
And I think children want someone to hear They want it to know.
Yeah.
They just because what you said it yourself, we don't know how to say it.
We don't know how to put it in form of words so that you will understand it.
I mean, that still happens to me with my partner.
If I'm going through a really bad time or if I've been triggered, I can't find the words to explain where I am at this moment.
And it gets frustrating to me.
It gets frustrating to you because then you can't help me.
And and so that's what happened.
And so I would do these things.
And I I remember, The last thing that I try to do is drop the f bomb as loud as I could in the hallway and classrooms, in the locker room anywhere because I was also that kid that if I ever cussed, everybody would laugh because it wouldn't make sense, just in fit.
No one asked me if I was okay.
Um, I later on heard that some of the teachers just thought I was under a lot of pressure because I was going to these international meets, and I was, you know, I needed to focus and I was just You know? And I was trying to keep up with my grades and do all this stuff, but they, no, never asked.
But I thought, in my head, if an adult asked me, I had to respect them.
And so that didn't matter about what I signed on the contract because I had to tell with, you know, tell the adult I had to answer the questions.
But no one who did.
So I never went to anyone.
So we carry that.
We carry that with you, and it is something that eats at you.
And a lot of times people have chronic illnesses from it because I've been trying to shove it down for so long.
Uh, a lot of, like, immune diseases and stuff like that.
Stomach issues.
I was diagnosed with Crohn's for a while, and I that's when I started.
I gotta get help.
And I went to that self talk people, and we started working on it.
And I just had a, uh, a test not too long ago, and it's gone.
Did I really have it? I don't know.
But I was diagnosed for it.
You know? So I do think we can change our lives so we could change the way we feel and how we look at life.
And we can change our health.
If we want to, it come it becomes a choice.
It's our choice.
And I don't think we're using our brains to its capacity be kinda cool if we can, like, re regenerate something, you know, wouldn't that be like, you know, like, the geckos can regrow their tail.
Yeah.
Can I regrow my whatever? Well, I'd tell you what, I I just I've recently started, uh, reading a lot of, uh, Joe Dispenser materials.
Have you familiar? Yes.
And, um, I forget the first book.
It was a well, the one I really love was breaking the habit of yourself.
And then the one before that was evolving your brain, but he talks about that, you know, like, how physically people have healed themselves by the way, that they talk to themselves and and visualize and, you know, the negative self talk, beating the shit out of yourself constantly is not gonna do anything for you.
You know? And, um, that's what I'm sure that a lot of people who have walked a similar path as you have done to themselves, And that's what we all do.
We're a human being.
We, for me personally, I I've struggled, uh, immensely with just feeling very inadequate And, you know, I've often thought, like, maybe that's what led me on the path of what I did for a career because it's like that was my way of saying, like, this is how I can get attention, you know, or something like that.
But, you know, we all deal with that.
And I think and first off, I just wanna say, you know, thank you for sharing your story because that takes a a lot of guts sharing something so personal and and but it also at the same time is the key.
Right? It's the key not only for yourself to where you can let that go because you confront something, and that's the way you ultimately let something go.
I've had to learn that the hard way.
But there's someone out there who whether they're watching listening to this, um, that will hear your story, and that is just that little bit of the nudge to get them to speak up, take action, do something that can change their life, and and have that ripple effect.
Right.
And that's what you're you've been so focused on in in the self talk app has, uh, you know, that's why you're such a big cheerleader for that.
So how can people get involved easy as just downloading the app.
I'm I'm sure.
Right? Yeah.
Um, you had the link.
I think I sent you the role.
We'll definitely put it below the video.
In the show notes of this episode, um, so people can check it out.
Um, but what can people expect? Soon as they they click on it, download the app, what can they expect? And the results that they could expect from it.
There's some great things on it.
First of all, it's free for 30 days.
So you can check it out.
If you don't like it, you just cancel it and go on your way.
But it's one of these things where there's all these different types of sessions that can be on there.
And one of the things if you ever get a coach, one of the things we do is try to figure out where is your your goal, what goal do you wanna have in life? Because we all have goal about money and career and relationships and stuff like that, but you need to find out what is your inspirational goal opposed to your desperate goal, if that makes sense.
And so by listening to this, it's a basically changing your thought patterns changing the way you think so that you could change your life.
They also have, um, Zoom sessions with groups every Tuesdays Saturday.
So that you could go in and be around other people who are going through the same thing experiencing this this change, really trying to change your life.
And you can talk and ask questions, and they'll coach you right there in front of everybody.
And then you go back and you work on it.
Uh, they do.
They do encourage you to get a coach.
For at least 3 months just so that you could have someone guiding you and helping you hear what you're saying.
It's so funny.
I wanna bring back to you is the fact that As a as a a person who watched you on TV all the time, you came across as always so confident.
And so, like, I said, I I wanna be lucky.
That's what was, you know, and then I'm getting to know you.
And you say these little moments of, like, these little chinks, like, well, you know, that one time you said, well, said I flub something.
Oh, when I accidentally said farted on TV.
Yes.
I love that.
And then the next time you got to that same point and you got I gotta am I gonna say something wrong? You get, uh, and you so you started building up, yeah, your your your resistance.
That fear because we're all addicted to our problems.
Yes.
We're all addicted to our flaws.
Um, and I'll keep this real brief because, you know, obviously, you know, at the end of the day, I want people check out the self talk app.
And but, you know, I'll share real quickly just since you asked, like, I was having a conversation with somebody just recently.
I was thinking, like, how did I get to where I am? And I thought about it.
You know, I was picked on in grade school, like, very much so, like, or, you know, I wanted to be one of the cool kids.
And so, um, whether it's like, it's like, who, you know, like, the girls didn't like me, or, or, you know, it's like, you know, these guys make fun of me or whatever.
It's who that was very painful.
But what I got really good at doing was I got really good at learning how to get you to like me.
I got really, really good at that.
And so that is what I think ultimately led me to working on TV and you know, I I think that I was successful when I post a lifestyle talk show and and people said, like, oh, you made me feel really comfortable on that, or you made me feel uh, that was really stressed out about that.
You made that so easy for me or what have you, but I got really good over the course of my younger years figuring out how to get you to like me.
And so the big, you know, my my mission with this is, you know, I wanna talk to people like you because we all are on the same, but we we we all have this this level of inadequacy or insecurity, you know, we we all walk corral where we look great on paper.
We look great on paper, but, you know, we we're human beings.
And that's what this is all about.
It's his experience, you know, So we all have a journey.
And if if we can have conversations, uh, you know, how do we get better? How do we, how do we make ourselves better, um, and allow the process to unfold? And, um, so that's what this is all about, you know, making those connections.
And if somebody is watching or or listening to this, and and they say, like, hey.
I resonate with John Michael's story, or, hey.
We have a lot of similarities there.
This self talk app that that helped you, maybe it can help me.
Yes.
And so that's what I wanna do.
And, you know, with all these different conversations, not everybody's different.
So there's gonna be a different solution for everybody.
Right.
But you're not gonna know until you're exposed to it and, you know, the self talk app could be that key for somebody.
Exactly.
And I I I just wanna add really quickly is that the self talk app is also or the whole philosophy behind it is going within yourself to find the answers because the whole belief is that we have all the answers within us if we just look.
But we're taught and and conditioned to always seek approval outside of ourselves and be part of a tribe.
I mean, I think one of the biggest things that we all wanna be as part of something.
And yet it's kind of awkward and scary.
To go inside because then you feel like you're alone.
And when in actuality, you're not, you're being true more true yourself.
So that you can be in a tribe, but then you also are regaining your power and your your choice.
And I think that's a lot of times I know survivors, we gave away our power, and we gave away our choice.
And that's how we live our lives.
And if we can get that back, just a little bits, at a time, we can change who we are.
There we go.
And it starts with taking that first step, uh, John Michael.
I can't thank you enough for taking the time to to, uh, be part of this conversation, the first episode of whatever we're gonna call this show.
Again, we're we're gonna put the link to the self talk app.
Uh, below the video, down to the show notes if you're listening on a podcast.
Thank you
